the broken gift

  ***this post has a PG 13 rating due an important quote that holds a four letter word ***
  ( it happens to appear a lot in this post)
  saturday was a big challenge day! here were my intentional challenges:
  1.) intentionally not multitasking on top my multitasking
  2.) intentionally doing one thing at a time and doing it intentionally for the Lord
  3.) intentionally slowing down
  4.) intentionally not worry about my children while i'm out for the day
  5) intentionally remember that God's got everything under control and He doesn't need me to micromanage
  6.) intentionally be present and all there, in each moment, not looking ahead or behind, but enjoying each moment.
  i know! that is a lot! i've been practicing 1-3 for a few day now and while i could use much practice before it just simply happens, i've been pretty good at catching myself when i slip up. 4-6 were mostly for the bridal shower i that went to, here's how the day went.
  waking up, i knew i still needed to get a gift for this bridal shower i was attending later that day. i really wanted to go to the williams sonoma store but realized i needed to get a card, wrapping paper and a gift bag too. i'd never been to williams sonoma before so i didn't know if they'd have all that i needed, or even if any of the gifts on the registry were still available there. target it was. i had just been to target close my house the day before and i wasn't satisfied with the selection there. so i was off to the one in the next town.
  kids in tow, we listened to "the kids cookie brake" on our local radio station and sang along to character building music sung to the happy tunes of eighties sitcoms and jingles.
  when we finally got there i picked a beautiful white pedestal plate and several kitchen utensils off the registry. we choose a pretty gift bag, wrapping paper, tissue paper and a card. my son noticed a spiderman watch and tossed it into the cart.
  "mikey!" i gasped, "pleeeease don't throw stuff in the cart, if you do the pedestal plate may brake." lowering my voice i even said OUT LOUD, "and if it does brake, i just know it'll be your fault."
  can i just pause here and say, my face is red as i type this? YUCK all over my bad attitude!
  we made it home safely and i was so thankful and full of praise to the Lord that we didn't encounter any traffic, non on the highway or through town. we were able to find something quickly and get it home safely. the children were so well behaved and we had such good conversations on the way home and with no radio on. it all seemed so perfect!
  when we pulled up the drive way my husband greeted us at the front door and we stood outside chatting about how wonderful our morning was! walking up the the rest of the stairs into the house and just about to set all the bags on the dinning table, i heard it. a fall and a crash. glass braking.
  it didn't register at first what had happened. in fact, i called back through the house and asked 'what happened' as if it didn't just occur right in front of me, at my own feet. denial for a good 30-40 seconds. then my heart sank down onto the floor with the bag that slipped from my hand, and shattered in a pile of disbelief among the shards of white porcelain, the pedestal plate.
  "what was that mommy?" my small boy came running.
i sat in a chair and buried my head in my hands. i had broken the pedestal plate. i had previously scolded my son for being uncareful around it and even mentioned that he would be the culprit for braking it, if it were to brake. i drove far to find something that i could have picked up yesterday but didn't because of my indecisiveness. we had a perfectly wonderful morning fetching the perfect gift and this is how is ends? i've never even been to a bridal shower before and now i either have to get their super late so i can bring a gift in one piece, or show up on time with a gift shattered in pieces.
  "Lord," i prayed, "what is the lesson is all this?" always looking for the lesson in everything. not all that concerned with the "why" in what is going on but the lesson to be learned. "i just don't see what the lesson in this could be?" sobbing and dripping a mess on the dinning room table, my husband came in and gave me my response.
  "sometimes," he started, "sh*t  happens. theirs just no reason."
  "maybe this is a test?" i ask almost ignoring his response. "maybe the Lord wants to see how i'd react to braking the plate?"
  "or maybe sh*t happens?" my husband, always so eloquent.
  "what am i to do?"
  "go get another one," was his response.
  quickly i get ready for the shower trying to decide if rushing around to get another one and arriving late to the shower was the best choice. 'what would emily post do at a time like this?' i wondered. 'emily post would have had this gift purchased, wrapped and waiting in an appropriate box safely in the trunk the day after the invite arrived in the mail. or perhaps, in these modern times, she'd have her assistant do it for her.
  it was decided, headed down the road, i step heavy on the gas and ask the Lord for forgiveness for my speeding. quickly checking the time i realised i would have to leave my house in fifteen minutes to arrive to the shower on time. i was headed out of town only to drive a possible 40 minutes one way in the opposite direction.
  "Lord, what is the answer?"
  i heard the words "slow down".
  yeah, the speeding, i guess if  were really sorry i'd not be speeding.
  the voice again, "slow down"
  oh yeah, i am supposed to be intentionally slow today. immediately pulling into a driveway i stop the car.'what will it take for the Lord to get me to slow down today. i certainly don't need a car wreck.' i think to myself as i turn the car around and head back home.
  walking into the house, my husband's face bewildered, "i'm home to wrap a broken pedestal plate."
  i'm still not sure what the answer would have been here other then having been better prepared and not waiting last minute to buy the gift. wrapping up the broken pedestal plate i had watchful two year old eyes on my every move, "watch-ya doin' mommy?" my daughter asked, cheeto in hand.
  "wrapping a broken gift," my response with a sigh.
  always empathic my sweet, cheesy daughter leaned over and wrapped me in a tight hug. i guessed it's only perfect that i not only arrive with a broken gift but with tiny, bright orange finger prints all over my nice clothes.
  the bridal shower turned out to be great! always gracious my aunt, cousin and the bride to be, told me that the important thing was my presence and not my presents. i hadn't even given any thought about the well being of my children, they were home with daddy. it was easy for me to stay the moment even though i was so sad about having arrived with a broken gift. i was able to be present and enjoy the bridal shower and even made a new friend! i hadn't remembered about not trying to micromanage God and maybe that was what i was trying to do by heading back to target? it was kind of a freak accident. i have no idea how it happened. perhaps God did tug on the bag, perhaps he was testing my attitude, my heart? perhaps He just wants me to know that sometimes "sh*t happens." i don't know. although it sure was the pretties, nicest first bridal shower i could have ever attented and with some of the nicest and most thoughtful people to spend the afternoon with.
  as for the broken pedestal plate? i have big plans for that. let's just say it involves crazy glue, a shelf in the dinning room and fake pile of poo. what can i say? it would make a nice reminder that sometimes, "sh*t happens."